Perfect

Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according To plan?
Do you think I'm wasting My time
doing things I Wanna do?
But it hurts when you Disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good Enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be My hero?
All the days You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't Care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good Enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect

Nothing's gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this Right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect

Drip...

i woke up this morning......

and my bed was surrounded in water.

freaky, right?

so i swim upstairs,

and grab a vaccum.

and i sit there and freakin suck up

like 10 gallons of water

for 3 flipping hours.

what a great day.

i should prolly go outside

and prep for the garage sale day

which is tomorrow

(come!!! city wide garage sales= funfunfunfunfun!!!!!!!!!)

yeah, this post was pretty random

and fairly pointless.

but still. here you sit, reading it.

alrighty later

Happiness challenge

ok i guess since everyone's doing it, i should.
and no, i do not mean sex or drugs,
i would never do sex or drugs just because everyones doing it.
lol :D
i mean the happiness challenge.
except i'm taking it to a whole new level....
100 things that make me happy inside.
well here goes...

1. cream cheese
2. ice cream
3. watching kirby hardcore dance
4. painting my nails
5. painting kirby's nails
6. playing music so loud that i risk deafness
7. banana clips
8. stalking people
9. eating.
10. listening to jordan being attacked by puddles
11. playing with muffin's flab jiggle
12. looking through pictures of me in my dorky years
13. writing pointless blogs
14. people commenting on my pointless blogs
15. attempting to write leet
16. making fun of the whole in stover's crotch
17. sam && liz's rad parties
18. hugs.
19. waverly dances
20. juno
21. graffiti on facebook
22. summer nights when you stay up late and talk about nothing in particular
23. making things like "the hall of whores"
24. having an amazing boyfriend named sam niles
25. trying to hang up the phone and realizing i can't in a three-way call
26. watching spongebob
27. cheesecake
28. killing people on sims
29. walking from dairy queen to the dance like idiots
30. listening to reeaaaaaly old songs
31. trying to learn the soldier boy dance
32. kicking boys in the balls
33. bitching out my stalkers
34. texting
35. you tube movies
36. followed by ghosts concerts
37. kate nash
38. being "the base" in our trio
40. making sock puppets
41. knowing someone well enough to tell them all your secrets
42. birthday parties
43. watching mrs. cleveland talk to her imaginary friends in spanish class
44. my authentic 4-leaf clover necklace
45. being in the nerd posse
46. finding cool aim buddy icons
47. randomly deciding to paint my phone pink with nail polish
48. talking to sam brooks
49. band class
50. playing piano
51. awkward conversations
52. nicole
53. terrorizing wal-mart
54. when people comment on my stuff
55. garage-sale days
56. family vacations where my ginormous family and i all go to like ohio or somewhere
57. having 23 aunts and uncles on just one side
58. shopping.
59. having faithe in my life
60. silly little poems that make me smile
61. laughing so hard i fall down
62. making fun of nerds like eric versteegt
63. having 845 songs on my ipod
64. really long bubble baths with extra bubbles
65. chocolate
66. meeting new friends
67. freaking out on random people i don't even know for no apparant reason
68. gummy worms
69. putting on makeup and doing my hair
70. aceing a really hard test
71. getting the super athletic guy out in dodgeball
72. funny misunderstandings
73. reading jordan's blog
74. listening to erin rant about shanking people
75. those really pretty, once-in-a-lifetime sunsets that make you wonder
76. aim conversations
77. elizabetharoni
78. accompanying people on the piano
79. people that actually care about you
80. ignoring my dad while he rambles on about storm clouds
81. being comforted when i'm sad
82. 2-hour delays
83. thunderstorms
84. squeezing a teddy bear so hard that it feels like his head's gonna poop off
85. watching rest stop movies and yelling at the main charactor to not go in the bathroom!
86. guitar hero
87. attempting these really hard challenges...
88. being single and not having to worry about guys
89. being the only oboe
90. long phone conversations
91. sleepovers where you can't stop talking long enough to fall asleep
92. designing houses (architecture)
93. watching fabro "hardcore dance"
94. singing out loud to songs on the radio
95. when people misspell nicole's name and she gets really mad
96. getting crazy nicknames like McNutly
97. evil scemes that work
98. having the craziest and most random dreams
99. picking out my outfit for the day, only to change it a million times before i put it on
100. having the best friends a girl could ask for.

and there you have it, folks. want to make me happy? simply scroll up.
i hope some of these make you happy too(except maybe the cream cheese one :P)
love always, heidi

Exerpts from my Diary

I Want You Back Now that You're Gone
I want you back now that you're gone.
My heart's a pit no love can fill.
I stumble through my days of stone
Bereft of joy, bereft of will.
I could not tell myself I loved
You as I did for fear of pain.
Far easier not to be moved,
Than moved to love, and hurt again.

How stupid!
I loved anyway,
And now the blame is all my own.
Please rescue me, this torture stay,
And for my sin I will atone.


Mistake
Guess I've made the worst mistake.
Once again, I give and you take
Things that will never see
The world that we couldn't make.

I had acted in so much haste,
And found that there was no more to taste
As there had been like before-
And no more can our hearts be laced.

I do not know what is in store,
And I shiver at the thought 'ignore'
Since your eyesight is all I need-
While living seems like a chore.

Never had I meant to take the lead
Of such a dangerous role, I beg and plead,
But my words are heard with none.
And so I've sewn my unluckiest seed.

I did not like the warmth of the sun
When the world began to run,
And thus began the thoughtless dance
Of waiting for just one more chance.


Is It Too Late?
Maybe it’s too late
For what I’ve got to say
Long time has passed
Since I have been away.

I’ve been a jerk
And messed up too much
But here I am again,
Hoping to repossess your touch.

Things were on my mind
But now I’m all clear
I can’t stop thinking about you,
And I want to be here…

Here…with you, if you give me a chance
A last chance to do right at last
We can start all over again,
Even relive our past.

I promise I’ll do my best,
‘Cause I want this to work out,
I know I’ve not really been a princess,
But I want you to know that you’re someone I can’t do without.

You may ask why,
Why this sudden change of view.
The answer is, I realized,
How much I’m in love with you.

Maybe it’s too late
And you’d just like to be my friend.
But I want to tell you that this time,
Good things won’t come to an end…


I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

<3 Heidi

If I was a Movie

If i was a movie,
i'd probably be one of those
"just ok" movies that only show
in local theatres. People would go see it,
only to get bored and start making out with
the nearest living creature.
afterwards, they might mention it to
some of their friends or something,
but thats all.

If i was a movie,
the main plot of my life would be simple.
There'd be be some nerdy girl, growing up
at a tiny school. The only time people talk to her
is to ask her for help on the math assignment or
to make fun of her excessively hairy arms or something.
She'd go through junior high, making mistakes,
and being other peoples' mistakes.

But then she enters high school.
She takes some classes at another school
and meets some great friends. They're the kind
who like her for who she is, not who she could have been.
She'll have some of the best times of her life with them.

And as for love, it's not the happiest part in the story...
She'll stumble across the occasional guy, who her friends
warn her about. But of course, she won't listen, and she'll
get her heart broken over and over again. She'll grow up to be
a 5000-time divorcee, and only then will she learn her lesson
and become the crazy cat lady she was destined to be.

In the end, she would look back on her life and
smile, and say "Sure, it wasn't perfect..." And all of her
losses would only strengthen her in the long run. Then, eventually,
she would die of old age, with her girlfriends (wearing their therepedic shoes)
at her side.

Even though it wouldn't be a sell-out,
sometimes the fun is simply in the making.

The moral of the story-
learn from your mistakes! If things don't turn out how you planned,
figure somthing else out! Don't stay down!
And as for boys, well, they aren't EVERYTHING
Sure, they may seem important, but if he's not into you,
don't get all depressed and hung up on him! Spend some time with
your girlfriends instead!

Chix B4 Dix!
<3 Always,
Heidi